It’s not that I’m sad. Or at least I don’t think so. I didn’t know him well enough to feel like I’ve lost something. I can’t grieve for that loss. But I feel like something inside me has come undone. I am suddenly aware of myself, how vulnerable I am, aware of the fragility of life. At times I feel so unstoppable, invincible, invulnerable and maybe that’s just how I’m supposed to feel. Because I am young and vibrant and there’s so much for me to look forward to and even though I know that it all comes to end eventually, that death is inevitable, thus far my life had yet to brush up against it. I know of heartache and rejection and pain and suffering. But this feeling is new to me. This fear, this awareness of the fragility. Everything is so delicate, so breakable. At any moment it could all slip away from, shatter and break apart. At any moment the strings that hold us together could snap and where would we be then?
“Is it wrong that I want strangers to be like friends, friends to be like best friends, best friends to be like true friends, true friends to be like soulmates and soulmates to be like god that will save me from all this?”—(via invisiblyjustthere)
“But who can remember pain, once it’s over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind.”—The Handmaid’s Tale, Margaret Atwood (via fuckyeahliteraryquotes)