Hey tumblr. I’m hanging out in Korea. The first part of my journey across the world. I’m doing some shopping ad mundane as that sounds. Thanks to everyone who wished me well or wrote to me. JoAnna I might not have time to write but please email me if you feel you need to. I always love your emails. Okay. I’ll check in a bit later when I have more time.
It’s weird but I’m thinking about Taylor. When she 13 and she ran off with the cadet. She held Jonah on the train while he cried his heart out, soothing his pain, trying to comfort, trying to give him solace. I remember that line about feeling someone elses pain. I remember the line about being the keeper, of the secrets, of Jonah Griggs. She is his safe place. The home of his heart. I think it’s important to have that. To have someone who knows you intimately, the best of you and the worst, the dark ooze in your soul. Someone to love all of you and not just the bits that are attractive and pleasing but the ugliness too.
Okay, so a few things. I just wanted to let you know that there are a few blogs that I have to check up every day; yours is definitely one of them. And two, I saw in one of your latter posts that you wanted to visit California. If you are EVER in the state, please please please let me know. I'd love to meet you!
Whoa, that probably sounds really creepy..
I’ve read this several times now, it makes me happy. I check your blog regularly too, I’m interested in your life, your personality, how these two things are reflected in the things you post. (Who’s creepier now, you or I) and I would love to meet you some day. That would be amazing.
I hope you're okay dear.
You seem a little down ):
Yeah, guess I am a little.
Ever notice how being alone with your thoughts at night is incredibly different to being alone with them during the day. At night something horrible settles over me. Robs me of my sanity. I feel more or less, like inside of me is this dark and horrible creature and that’s who the real me is, that disgusting thing. And during the day it wears a unoffensive cloak that disguises its true nature.
It’s autumn again. Almost a full year since you left. I remember sipping hot chocolate, burrowing away in bed, hiding under the covers, wishing the world away, singing, chanting, praying. You know in a year it’s gonna be better, you know in a year I’m gonna be happy. That year has come by. And I thought that very little had changed. I don’t feel terribly different. But I can look at your pictures without crying. I can stand to hear your name without cringing. And the hurt I had in my heart doesn’t sting as much. I don’t expect that it’ll ever go away. It’s apart of who I am. But it doesn’t control me. It doesn’t influence my every decision. And that makes me happy.
“I suddenly realized that the way to get over you is not by hooking up with some random guy. Or pretending like we didn’t happen. You and I loved each other. And then you broke my heart. And I’ve been doing everything possible not to face that fact. I’m going to kiss somebody some day and when I do, it’ll be for me.”—Blair Whaldorf