I want to a canvas backpack filled with red apples and writing utensils.
I want a camera, something large and chunky, a beautiful complicated one, and roles of film and I want to take pictures of the world around me, sunlight filtering in through green green leaves, water droplets.
I want old falling apart paperbacks, the spines all cracked and the pages dog eared,
"I was talking to someone last night. And I remember making some remark about my soul. The remark need not matter since it was said in the midst of a moan about my lack of writingtalents. A moan you do not want to hear, because you will shun me and tell me I am an idiot.
What matters is the response I received. In which the person said, but you don’t believe in that do you? That you have a soul. And my mouth formed that little ‘o’ that it sometimes does when your bones rattle and you are in a state of shock. Because no matter what I believe, we all possess souls. I have a soul and you have a soul. There is something that makes us what we are and I believe that thing is our soul. And I couldn’t believe that there were people who thought otherwise. Because I know no matter what I will always believe in souls. God gave us souls. I believe this.”
Today, my friend was talking about a calculator he wanted. He couldn’t think of the word “calculator”, though, so he said, “I want one of those black things that does stuff for me.” Almost immediately, a shy kid in the back says, “What? A slave?” I still haven’t calmed down. MLIA.
Today during Religious Education at school I told my teacher I didn’t believe in God because I prayed for almost a whole year that I would get a bike last Christmas, and did not get a bike. He replied “Silly boy, your doing it wrong. You don’t ask for a bike, you steal one then ask for forgiveness.” Hello new favourite teacher. MLIA.
Today, my boyfriend of two years told me he had something very important to ask me that would change our lives forever. He said he had been meaning to ask me for awhile but after losing his job he couldnt afford it. He then got down on his knees and begged me for a puppy. I immediately agreed. MLIA
I get so upset. It’s like I do what I can to move on but my heart aches in that pathetic way. I think, here, here is a new oppurtunity. But it’s not that same. It’s never the same. People are never quite what you want them to be. I feel like no one will ever understand me the way I want to be understood.